Improving: Thanks for posting to me. I haven't seen you around much and I missed you. It may be that my T won't say those words in that order. It took me more than a year to say them to her in "that order". To me, "I love you" is for spouses, SOs, kids, or very close friends. It feels funny for me to say it to my T so I can understand her not wanting to say it to me.

I like the way your T put it, that saying "I care about you very much" is the boundaried way of saying "I love you" to a client. I know that there are some things we can't have with our T and that's the reality.

skysblue, yes, actions are more important than words but the way she deliberately said it, hurt me though I know she'd never, ever want to hurt me. It's a fact I have to accept. My T doesn't love me. I know it's just a word but in light of the fact that my favorite song is "Where is Love" because I want love, it's hard to emotionally accept the reality. I feel good that she has a special place in heart for me, though. That has to be good enough, but my feelings still are what they are, like you feel about your Ts explanation about the phone calls.

SarahMichelle, I think my T said it because it's true. She doesn't "love" me in the way she thinks of love, I suppose. I have to ask her what she means by love. I need to discuss it with her very badly.

sunrise: Thanks for your detailed response and questions. I think it's semantics again. She wouldn't say "I love YOU" but she would say "I love HER" because it was the child who was asking for it. When I told her I love you recently it was the adult me saying it. I remember commenting on the way she said it and saying "you won't say I love you" but she didn't say anything then and I didn't pursue it.

I looked it up. "Ingenuous" means honest, frank. So, it would be dishonest if she said "I love you" to me which means she doesn't love me no matter how you interpret it. I'm sort of surprised because her actions show love, much more than any T I've had!!!

I don't know if she thinks I'd misinterpret it because she could have SAID that. Instead, she explained what she did feel for me explicitly, that she cares very much, likes me a lot, and has a special place in her heart for me. No way does it not hurt me a little.

Yes, I am comforted by my T. She's wonderful, but I was so angry when I colored over her design last session. Out of nowhere, and it wasn't just missing a week, it was bigger than that. It's to do with her not giving me everything, which I understand, of course, but part of me wants to rebel and say "please say that you love me". Not romantic love, just love maybe like a mother's love.

vaffla: I've read your posts about your T and I thought she did say that she loves you, in a beautiful way. But she didn't say the words in that order, did she? My longings have always been over-stimulated in therapy whether a T gives me some of what I ask for or whether she doesn't. My current T is trying to meet a lot of my needs at the same time encouraging me to get more of them met in "real life."