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First, your posts do not include much about what you see in this man that causes you such distress in making a decision. I sometimes get the impression you want the relationship to continue to assuage your guilt, an ego thing to allow you to feel better about yourself.
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Do you mean you don't see much of the positives or much of the negatives that are causing me distress? I imagine it's positives. Yes, most of the negatives and very few of the positives are coming out in the posts above. I have made a pro-con list, though, and although the con side is longer, the items on the pro side carry more weight. I haven't shared it here because it is long and rambling and mostly just a brainstorm. I could though.
And, yes, one of the items on the pro side is that, while I didn't really want to admit this, I want the challenge of seeing if I can fix the relationship. That's a bad reason, but it is one and it did pop into my head, so it ended up on the list. I would feel better about myself if we could repair our relationship and he could forgive me, eventually.
I do not know if he will agree to counseling. I'm afraid to ask again since last time he took it as me blaming him for my infidelity. I really don't mean it like that, but I've tried to tell him that and... well that was one of the emails he didn't respond to so I don't know if he accepts that or not.
Oliver get tons of hugs! He's a sweet kid, and I think he's just happy to have his mom all to himself lately
