I relate, autumn.

I am improving with that worry that you mention, but I still feel bad when people seem to judge me at my very core. I wrestle continually with the idea that I am "defective", "less than" or "crazy" or other words.

I am learning to give myself that approval that I have craved in others. It's very very new and still, often feels unnatural.

But when I depend on others all the time for my "worth", I always lose out because I have no control over what they think.

And about your abuse issue: Abuse is abuse is abuse. I too don't like it at all when people treat abuse like something to be "rated"! For so many years I too could not validate my abuse experience because it was very subtle. My aunt did not do too many things, like outwardly physically abuse me, but she did verbally abuse me a LOT. And her other abuses were very subtle, as well.

At a glance, our family was ideal and "perfect". "What more could you want, Billi?"

But it was bad.

Things were bad.

I was constantly upset, depressed, anxious, to the point where I could virtually not function...

Had to come from somewhere; not just out of the blue!

ty for sharing.

Billi