The below quote is part of a response email my T sent me a week ago. Some of it he just repeats what I wrote or asked, which I left in for context, but most of it is his. Maybe hearing it from the horse's mouth will help?

"The new developments you mention and recognize are as much in me as you. What you say, citing Baumeister's article, although it's really you, is just how well the neglected do notice. In fact, notice on many levels that others
don't. You notice and learn how to protect your self from incompetent and evil caretakers; one way is to become overly responsible workers, as if you're responsible for everything and always trying to get the love and approval that was never there to begin with. I do acknowledge you and not always with the grace, elegance, and elan I would like to, and at times I can really mess up. The important thing is we both try to correct things and stick with it."