I dug this up because in speaking with a friend today I have a different understanding of the exchange the female parental unit and I had a few weeks back. Here it is. I used the words, the words I could never ever say I used casually, the words never ever spoken aloud in that family. If I remember correctly I told her she beat the living poo out of me. I speak in an open-ness and with an intelligence that she can't begin to comprehend. I broke the biggest rule ever and really didn't know it till tonight. I spoke so very few words outloud, or by email to her.

It took me years in therapy to even begin to say any of the words. They made me want to hurt myself, the words. I had a battle within that tore me apart. It took me forever to learn to just cry, no self harm, no hiding, just crying. I never even knew how to cry.

So it is a testament that I am healing that i quite casually told her the very basics, she beat the crap out of me. I broke the rules. No one in that family knows what to do with me, I am so open with the words now. Even way back I would discuss things others thought was inappropriate. My brother's house burned probably close to 30 years ago and another brother who was living there was in shock. Firefighters removed the bodies of the 2 dogs and 2 cats and the other brother just was in shock. My instinct was to talk about it with him. To validate his experience at the horror he endured. She kept telling me to shut up. He needed to talk about the trauma. The animals were the biggest trauma and so we discussed smoke inhalation.

I am more clear in my head now, the woman is nuts and I am not. I am sane, I got away, I can't pretend because I have to live in honesty and sincerity.

I can't say that the cycle has been broken with this generation. I can see that some of the neices and nephews were abused. I have not of course heard anything about the nephew with the severe brain injury.

May the cycle be broken with our children's generation. No more torture of children.