<font color="#000088"> I put the trigger warning on just incase because I don't know exactly what I am going to say.

My roommate has been transported to a mental hospital and is possibly going to be there for a couple days and then be released. She has short term memory loss due to the overdose. Like the past 4 - 5 years. Her mother is here in our apartment. Don't want her to be here. When roommate gets released from the hospital her mother said she will take her back to NC where she lives. That is a good thing and a bad thing. I cannot afford to pay all the rent here. I can't just up and leave because I don't have the money nor could I do the moving myself. My health ain't that good. Having so many mixed feelings and stuff. Have to go see new Case Manager tomorrow and not feeling comfortable with it. Have to try to figure out how to find a new roommate that we can depend on being stable, etc. Therapist is out of town. Was going to take starting Thursday to totally fall apart and let the pressure cooker release no matter what the mess. (None destructive) Was going to get everything prepared in our room with things we will need for a good length of time and just totally isolate ourselves off from everyone and just let what happens happen. Now with roommate's mother being here I cannot let that happen. Have tried to reach out to friends that we do have to talk to ground us with another person's voice who cares, but can't reach anyone and everyone seems to be having a problem of their own. Tired of being so strong for everyone and then when we need help, then no one is around to offer support or a caring voice. It seems that it is ok for other people to expect that and want that from us, but when we need it in return we are just rejected again. Just like it always has been. We feel so non important and that we only matter to someone else when it is convient or when they need something from us. We don't fit in or belong anywhere. No one cares about us. Roommate is getting help she needs with the hospital and she has a mother that loves her. We have no one. No one to turn to or to get help, support, comfort, or love. Maybe we are truly unloveable. Maybe we don't deserve what we so much crave for. So many want to post this, but others want to delete it. So conflicted with if we want this to be out there. Knowing that we take the risk of seeking for a caring word, a soft place to fall and then just be rejected again by nothing. By getting no response, by getting attacked, etc. We feel so worthless and have no meaning in this world except to make everyone else happy, but stay suffering within. </font>