This is how it is for me too.

Tigergirl, I DO ask for reassurance. I remember once early in therapy, T mulled out loud "for some reason I want to reassure you..." but left it at that, and I totally latched onto it in my mind. Like..WHY didn't he just reassure me? Could he not for some reason?

I started bringing it up, and he never really gave me what I needed. Once, I got angry and told him "for $90 an hour, you should say anything I want you to say" ( lol - I was kind of new to therapy at this point).

Anyhow, he DID start giving me reassurance...but if I asked more than once in a session, he would say "didn't you hear what I already said?". Ugh!

I finally told him that I grew up hearing over and over and over and over again how horrible I was, how I shouldn't have been born, that I was a stupid, ugly ******. And that ONE "you're a good person" (or whatever) wasn't going to undo it...that I needed to hear it as many times as I needed to hear it.

And T GOT IT. We've talked about it since then (recently, actually) and he said that he realized that it made so much sense, and that he WANTS to give me the reassurance that I need. He says it's easy to do.

So, yeah. I do ask if he still loves me, if he thinks I'm bad, etc. And I know when he answers, he's telling the truth...because i can FEEL that he loves me and that he thinks I'm good and all of that. But after so many years of not knowing when to trust my feelings, just feeling it isn't enough, yet. I feel it, and then I need to check in with him to make sure it's true, and that what I feel is real, and right.

I need a lot less reassurance than I used to, but when I needed it, I NEEDED it.