Peaches, you are making perfect sense. This is a tension that T and I discuss all the time, and haven't yet found a solution for. I know that this can be very painful and I'm sorry you're struggling with it

Omers, thank you for clarifying the need vs. want thing. This is another thing T and I are 'discussing' (somewhat heatedly! ) at the moment. I like the concept of always finding a way to get our needs met, even if it's not in the way we would initially have chosen. I always enjoy your posts and hearing about your experiences