Quote:
Originally Posted by Improving
I do understand the drive to be perfect so that others will love us, Skysblue.
I think this is why I was so seduced as a teenager by the concept of grace that I converted to catholicism. Grace- a gift freely given, not won by hard work. I work da*n hard in therapy. I pay T for my sessions. But I experience her daily contact, her love, her tremendous care, as a gift freely given. I cannot earn it by being good. I cannot lose it by being bad. I've always thought that if I'm ever lucky enough to have a daughter, I will call her Grace. And she will know that it's not about being perfect, or even good. It's a given.
Hope this random rambling is a tiny bit helpful 
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Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German Lutheran pastor and theologian who was executed by the Nazis wrote about a concept that I find intriguing. He called it 'costly grace'. The idea is that the gift is freely given but the 'cost' is to be ready to receive it. And that is tougher than it sounds.
So, I guess we could say the same about self-realization that we seek in therapy. It is there - it is free - but we must pay the price of being attentive.