Omers,

I have thought that i will treat myself to massage more often, as i also have the need for touch. And even though my t is willing to hug me if i ask her, even that was a source of disagreement for years, as she had reservations about granting that.

I don't mean to make her sound mean, as she truly is not. She's very kind and caring!! But i just get the sense that she keeps inviting my hurt child part out to express her needs, but then they become "too much" and my t backs away. She does it in indirect ways. . .such as, maybe we'll have an especially connecting session. . .on my very next email to her, it will happen to be that she is "too busy" to reply. Or say i send 6 emails in a month's period -- 5 of them with questions about my therapy, and 1 where i tell her how much she means to me. . .she will answer the first 5, but that 6th email where i say how i feel about her, that's the one where she just happens to be "too busy" to reply. T would say that I'm just reading into the situation, that she's not pushing me away, but it seems to me that she IS. . .and maybe she is the one who doesn't see it in herself.