Hadn't SIed in a week or so but began again the other day and it was so good to have the relief back again. It's been getting worse recently but I just wish I dared to go deeper. I know I will in time. I'm scared of hitting veins etc but I know I am hitting the fat layer which is below the skin, other stuff is below that. I wish I had the pain tolerance to just cut cut cut.

And i'm self harming in other ways too, overdosing, hitting myself with stuff. Started drinking again too, I've been missing the happiness it brings, and I know too that with alcohol I can withstand pain more. I meant to get counselling help because I'd been having suicidal thoughts but now they have gone and I can't be bothered to get help anymore. Time goes slowly. I am constantly bored but I don't want to do anything and being with other ppl irritates me. So I just live from one day to the next. That makes me feel like I am coping. Even though I know in reality I am not.