Wally,

Welcome welcome welcome, and I hope you return.

I don't know much about this from a marriage perspective, but I do know this from a boyfriend/girlfriend perspective.....(before my now husband).

I was once with this guy, he wasn't the greatest guy, but we got along for the most part. Well one day I brought my little sister with me to his house, I was then called into work and had to leave my sister there with my boyfriend.

Well when I returned they were gone, and they did not come back till two days later.

It was very very tough, not only did my man cheat on me...(which is easy to get over with time), but my sister betrayed me, (which still to this day hurts me).

Of course he begged for me back and I told him to stick it up his........you know. So that never became an issue.

Now back to you, I know this sounds really judgemental, and maybe offensive..(hopefully not), but my best friend once told me....once a cheater always a cheater.....and she's absolutely right. If they can betray your trust the first time, they can do it again and again.

I understand that you probably love your wife to death, she sounds like a decent person, and you really love her, but why should you hang on to her for dear life? She's the one that did the wrong before, she should hang on to you for dear life, hoping you will forgive and forget.

Relationships are so complex and difficult, and just like with individual people, there are individual cases. So I cannot judge you or your wife. But all I know from my perspective is, if it were me, I would lose the fear and allow her to venture out with regained trust, and if she decides she wants to stay, then she will stay, if she wants to go.....then she will go and there will be no falsehoods in the marriage.

I really hope it works out for you and your wife. I think fighting for love is great, and I respect it 100%. But don't fight when the other isn't. You see what I am saying?

Please let us know how everything has gone.

Oh, and Good Luck, and welcome to P.C, there are great and understanding people here.