my dear if you have cried i guess u have seen some truth in what i had to say. i cleary think u deserve better. u have to learn to let go. u have tried your best and u deserve better now, not in some uncertain future. i went thru someting similar worse in my marriage, words of courage and encouragement from a very good friend gave me the courage to put my foot down and want somthing better for myself. we might feel guilty at first or willing to give a second chance, million times over but somthings are not meant to be. we have to accept it. move on. u have to decide if he is really worth u and the love u give him selflessly. according to me any man who raises a hand against a woman he says he loves, is a coward. there is no reason to love respect or even consider him. he is your boyfriend nothing legal between you so u have every right to think in privacy and withmuch deliberation about if he is good for u in long term. we women can be impossible sometimes, you now, we expect positivity, forthrightedness and transparency in us and expect it from others too. we seek stability and validation for our judgement from others seldom does it work, love. we have to be a little logical and truthful to ourselves sometimes when the going is tough. take care and think well. u definitely deserve happiness and respect atleast from the one who says he loves you.