Thanks for the feedback.

I am so proud of myself, because I finally confronted her - at least a little bit - a little while ago. It was an innocent topic about a craft project she was working on....and got defensive and snippy when I mentioned something....At first, I just shut down. I felt that tightness in my stomach and knew it was an opportunity to address it.

But it passed.....

Then the opportunity arose again...and I said something!

I told her that she didn't need to get defensive and snap at me...She said she wasn't getting defensive - and then said, "What is going on with you???" (because I was vocalizing my reactions as opposed to backing down and staying silent, allowing her to be powerful over me.)

I told her that I shut down because she snapped at me. She said she was sorry - but that friends should accept friends even when they're in a bad mood. I said that I don't agree with that. I don't like getting snapped at and that it doesn't feel good. That was the end of the discussion. Whew. I hope she takes it in and realizes how I feel.

Most importantly, I hope I learn to have the courage to continue to defend myself against being mistreated.

I know this stems from my childhood as well....and it's a pattern I've exhibited for much of my life...including my 15 year marriage that ended 2 years ago...T and I talked about that in my last session. He is trying to get me to get in touch with those feelings so I can progress towards healthier relationships. I do know that I tend to feel a certain way....and then find all the reasons why I care about the relationship, the benefits, etc. - in order to dismiss and minimize the mistreatment. I have to work on that in order to ensure that I move in a healthier direction.