WhenI was a teenager I used to cut. I cut my upper arms and shoulders, still have the scars. I used to look at those scars as beautiful, because I felt like they stood for something. Like, they stood for something I was able to overcome, part of my journey.
Now I feel it creeping in again. It's been 12 years since I've cut, with one screw up about 6 years ago. I thought I was over this. It's like everything sucks right now. I used to turn to this to get everything that's inside, out. And now I can't. Why? Because for the last five years I have been in a relationship with a man that is "not able to comprehend" human emotions. "Not capable" of feeling things beyond skin deep. And I, ironically, have been blessed with feeling things more than most.
So I can't cut, because he wouldn't understand it. He would get mad, we would fight. I can't even handle that right now. So I'm just not going to. How likely is it for clinical depression to manifest into something much worse? This is what I started out with. I stopped cutting, so now I don't eat, and I think terrible things about myself. It's like I have this need to self destruct, and it's exhausting.