beauflow said part of what i was going to say.  no need to focus on what has happened. it could make you drink. instead brush yourself off...etc.
question, do you attend a 12 step program? there are many ways one can stay sober. AA saved my life 21 yrs.ago. it seems yr method isn't working for you so thought i'd share my experience. we can't get sober alone very well. we need support of others who came before us, imho.
we're here for you too. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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