I feel the same way, SoupDragon. I think everyone's answer may be a little different, but years ago, my first T told me that my feelings for her were basic. I remember after a year or so I finally got up the nerve to ask her something like "Do I want you to love me? Do I love you?" It was torture to get those words out; it probably took me an entire session because I had no idea what therapy was all about.

I was ashamed at the time because the basic need for love got sexualized and mixed up with adult needs. We're adults now, so that basic need, which is love for a parent, is shameful to us. We turn it into a more adult kind of love, which can produce more feelings of shame.

Love for a T also has the component of transference. We feel for the T what we want to feel or have felt for other important persons in our life. We feel the feelings more strongly, too. When we're angry at T, we're really bitterly angry! When we love our T, we totally love her or him! There doesn't seem to be a middle ground.

This is my experience but it may be different for you. The shame comes also from thinking that I'm not allowed to have these strong feelings for my T. They aren't normal is the way my mind goes. But they are normal, for therapy and for "real life" too. The shame also comes from knowing that my T is noticing my strong feelings for her. Does she think I'm weird? She doesn't, but still, those thoughts produce shame.

I hope some of this helps you. Hopefully others will shed some more light on it. What helps me is to tell my T that I feel ashamed of my feelings for her. But I have to because that's my "pattern" and what I'm working on in therapy.