Hi Soupdragon.............

Rainbow gave a very good explanation..........I will just add a little to that.First to reiterate............that are many layers to the feelings, all of which are good and normal. There are the real feelings you have for the person you know as your T..........very strong, intense, illogical at times. Then there are the transference feelings for the person you wish your T was...........or the relationship that was lacking in childhood or wherever. Both are legitimate and real and it is hard to separate them at times. I think the shame comes from many places. First..........the intensity of the feelings, constant thoughts about therapy and your T, etc. is so illogical to us. You think..........where in the world did that come from? Why do I feel so strongly about my T that I have only known for x amount of time as compared to another person in real life, a spouse or friend or family member, that I have known my whole life? For me..........that was what freaked me out. The intensity, the deepness of these feelings for my T that I had only known for a short period of time made absolutely no sense to me. Another reason for the shame...........society teaches us that to some degree we should be able to control our feelings. And for most of us, these feelings are NOT A CHOICE. What we do about them is a choice.............how we behave around our Ts, etc. But who in the wide world of pete would choose these feelings? There is so so much good but also horrific pain at times associated with them. So there is shame in "not being able to control them". One of the best things my current T has said.............Why do your feelings have to make sense? Also, please don't ever apologize for your feelings. I dont think he has any idea how much those two statements have changed my perspective. He means the world to me. Third, unless you have EXPERIENCED these feelings for yourself you really don't get it. Period. End of statement. And so it is hard to explain this to someone. And everyone's experience is different, even people in therapy. So you feel isolated, alone, like you are the only one going through this. Thank goodness for PC where I found this community of people who helped to convince me I wasn't losing my mind. I asked my current T if he ever felt this way when he was the client? And he hasn't. And I know he understands it booksmart sort of way. And I know he totally gets me. But in a way, he doesn't get me like others here who have been thru it because he has not experienced it. Last, the other part of the shame for me comes as I am a religious person and married and even though these feelings are for my dad(transference) because I am an adult they manifest themselves romantically towards my T. And so there is guilt and shame in that. My T does know of my feelings as does my husband and thank goodness for their support. It is so so hard but I have quit trying to fight it(at least most of the time) and just accept that it is what it is and work through it. Hope this helps you.