Hi Swimmergirl - thanks, yes this is very helpful. I liked what your T said about feelings not having to make sense and not feeling the need to apologise for them. In my fantasy world, I would love to move into T's house - not for romantic reasons but just so I could always be near T - maybe it is something about safety. I know this is fantasy, because in reality if I saw T anywhere else than in that room, I would die!

I have read so many books over the last year - this thirst for knowledge, I need to have an absolute understanding of what goes on in T - but maybe this is related to trust for me - maybe it will burn itself out and I will realise as your T said that not everything has to make sense, sometimes things just are...

How I wish I could get to the point when I could look T in the eye and share my feelings without feeling embarrassed and shamed.