Thank you Open Eyes. I understand what you are saying and appreciate it. One of my biggest concerns is my ability to torture myself, as a person day to day when I wear my mask I function fine, I run a sucessful business and life should be grand but it isnt. When things are good the first thing I do is self destruct, I take that good thing and I crush it, adn then I twist myself apart for all the damage I did, the draw of letting all that go of just slipping back and letting it all drain away and not feeling anything anymore is just so tempting, I almost feel happy when I think about it...almost