Hi guys..

I have been posting alot about how good I have been feeling today after my 'episode' over the past few days. Well, my brother just sent me loads of txt messages telling me he cant take life anymore, how is is scared, crying and shaking...I tried to call him but he wont pick up. He then txt how he doesnt want to live anymore. I REALLY dont have the resources to deal with that so i called my dad and told him to pls talk to him and was honest about what I had been going through. So I txt my brother, knowing my dad is now in touch with him and told him I have run out of phone credit. Is that bad of me? I just cant deal with it and am not qualified for this kind of thing either. All I can do is tell him to go to the hospital but as far as anything else I just cant manage. Right now I have to keep my own sanity in check. Does that sound selfish? Because hell, I feel terribly selfish and a part of me wants to 'save' him. I know I cant...but I have this thing in me where I want to 'save' ppl....does that make sense?

I want to turn my phone off. I know my dad is talking to him...so he has support.

I am going to turn my phone off. I feel like such a ***** for doing so but I cant risk a repeat of the last few days and hospital again