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I just don't know how much more i can take. This new therapy is ok and yes i am doing my very best with it and trying to keep positive about it all but it's making me go mad!! All the things i kept in and all the feelings i cut myself off from, i just don't know if i can do this.
I got told in my session that the personality test thing, that she gave me to do, i scored high in it and well she said my moods can change very quick even without me noticing it has. (how am i meant to know this or deal with it??) If i don't see it coming or dont recognize that my mood is changing or has changed and hurt someone...then what??
I'm so sick of hurting people, I just can't get anything right anymore. Why am i still trying? Just to be knocked everytime and to be told i'm no good. People say one day you will see how special you are and believe it but i WILL NEVER EVER see it, I'm not special and now i wish i didn't change my name.....notspecial fits me to a T and i must have been stupid to have changed it to this.
I just don't want to carry on like this, i was handling it till she gave me all the booklets to do including the test. There is one 1 really can't do has i don't know whats wrong with me!! I can't self monitor.......if i could then i would do it to stop myself from doing and saying things that hurts or upsets others. UGH!!
Just want to give up and end it!!
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Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you.
iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again
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