Quote:
Originally Posted by skeksi
Ooh, I have the urge to move when things get bad, too. It's always a nice fantasy. I know from experience, though, that wherever you go--there you (and the PTSD symptoms) are.
I think therapy for cPTSD often walks the line between teaching you to manage the symptoms themselves, which are so disruptive, and processing the memories that trigger the difficult symptoms. What are you working on in T that is making things harder right now?Or is it the reduced sessions that are the difficulty?
You shouldn't "just get over it." You can, however, work through it with your T, and things can get better. Can you go into T next week and explain how frustrated and hopeless you're feeling? Then you and your T can reshape your treatment plan.
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Our Session usually starts with "so whats on your mind"? Then I tell her whats been going on and then she connects the feelings or behaviors to past experiences to show me the pattern. Of course, I am not even thinking of the pattern or past experience until SHE brings it up. I will call her T1. She prescribes medication and says that my condition is very sever and needs to see me 3x a week. She of course is not covered under insurance.
The other T I go to, T2 focuses more on building self esteem and my "inner family". I really like her. I feel like I should see her more often. But she says that I need time to process things because she is worried about flooding.
That I think is a valid point because everytime I start to talk about past events such as happens w T1, I dissassociate and feel like I am going to pass out. So T2 says I shouldnt see T1. T2 does not focus on past events, just how I feel and how am I taking care of myself.
I guess I just feel kind of trapped. I cant get "over" this until I go through it, but I cant go through it bc everytime work begins to integrate the memories I feel like I am going to pass out.
I find its safer jsut to stay at home. I have been avoiding dealing with people. Funny thing is that my BF is a psychiatrist!!!! He calls to see how I am doing but I just feel so stupid. We are working on professional projects togeather and I am jsut worried that he wont want to deal with me. So I have been avoiding him to. I guess just not talking to people is safer because then I dont have to lie and say Im doing fine when I'm not. There is no point in telling them what is going on bc 1. they dont understand, 2. there is nothing they can do, and 3. it makes me feel weak, vulnerable and exposed.
I feel trapped in my own mind. i am so mad that I have this.