I am feeling pretty useless right now. I did the depression quiz today and it's the lowest ever. But here I sit, taxes not done, financial aid for kids not done, feeling like I want to sleep and can't. Feeling like I am unlovable and freakish. (that's old). I do not want to do anything today. Yet there are a few things that need to be accomplished. My house needs to be swept or vacuumed and mopped and dishes need to be done. My bed needs clean sheets and the laundry hamper is full. I did not sleep well last night. Changes are in the mist, I can see. I know I need to get off my unemployed fanny and make some life choices. it seems that only at night my mind races so that I can't sleep.

I will call the doc. I will do everything I can to remain well, or be well. I am going through some tough stuff re: I am at the age where parental people die. I miss my Jane to give me guidance and I see the "adults" in my life aging. I need to accomplish something so I can be proud and know I have done something. Time to tear my son's old room apart and put in the tile and paint the black and white trim and find animal pictures so the room feels like a cozy place for babies.

I didn't want to wake up but I kept having bad dreams. Yuck. I made myself wake up. I don't want to do chores, I don't want to leave my bed. I want to sleep with no or good dreams. Just called the doc's office to see what can help, asked for freebies if possible. I am having so many dreams where I just can't win.

My life is in a transition and there are lots of things to worry about. I wish that I could just stop the worry.