((((OurLadysTears))))

I have no answers to your questions. I sense you anguish though. But instead of feeling moved to encourage you to not give up I wonder.... Perhaps as you "came to terms with it", and accepted, can you let it go, and envision a life for yourself where you are at peace with it, and free to make what what happiness you desire for yourself, by yourself?

There are, you know, people who find contentment in being by themselves. They don't even need to be hermits, but find sufficient social interraction in casual social settings, of work, fitness clubs, churches, pottery or painting classes, walking or biking groups, photography clubs, or whatever else may be pleasant to you. They form emotional ties with pets, which never betray, never talk back, never play head games.

And know that sometimes we have to let go of expectations to find what we are looking for. If you stop looking for love, and find peace in contentment in your life maybe love will find you, but if it does then, I am pretty sure, it will be quite different,