Special,
I almost wanted to cry when i saw your post. I am so sorry you are struggling. We all struggle so much with life. I hurt people too and I morn over that. I can't be everything to everyone. How do we move forward when we can't see anything good ahead? For me, a promise, for others, support of professionals, and others something inside pushing them. I don't know. I care about you so much and want you to have the very best out of life.
I had to self monitor and thought the world would end for me. It was hard. I sat down at the end of what happened and how i felt. It was hard and didn't make me feel better, it even made me angry sometimes. But after everything, the difficulty doing it and hating i had to do it, I found out something very good about myself that helped me cope a little better in life. I knew when the good time of day is for me. I knew what would set me off into a bad feeling and I knew when I should give myself a little more patience. I hope this helps.

((((special)))) Star*