I was diagnosised with BDP last monday and since then I started lamictal and quit my welbutrin. They kept me on my Visteril and prozac, but in the past few days I started fallin into depression again. Its like walking up a hill and once you get to the top you start walking back down, when you get to the middle you start running down the hill. When I'm at my lowest point (which is a few hours or a day or two after my depression starts), its like I fall flat on my face and I just want to kill myself and get it over with. Just as suddenly as I fall its like my mind picks itself back up, brushes off the dirt, and I'm suddenly on the top of the hill again, waiting for the next fall...I have to do something but I don't know what to do. I just want be balanced.

I also start self harming when I'm like this, I dont really cut I just like to take a diabeties needle and repeatedly puncuture my skin, normally on my knuckles. I also become addicted to fire, burning things in my ashtray, putting cigarettes out with my fingers, warming up metal and touching my skin...ughhh I can't take this anymore.