Any truly religious or spiritual person needs to overcome their mundane situations as a test of their faith. Once they've bettered themselves through the situation occurring in their life, it's uncanny how their religious/spiritual figure(s) will show back up into their life to guide them. No higher power does everything for you or decides what direction you choose to go in life-- We have free will & must meet them halfway. Though religious belief may be full of hope, it is not for the faint-hearted. It is laden with death, disease, & heartbreak. But once you personally come to terms with those destructive concepts, you're better equipped to revel in its' joys, for they are beliefs just as focused on life as they are on afterlife...

That is just a small amount of my opinion. My spirituality is all over the map, but the messages are the same, no matter what creed you follow. I think you still need to get over the mourning process & come to terms with what happened to your friend. If you're unable to feel religious while medicated/stable, you may not be after all & you are merely feeling the backlash of your religious upbringing. It's not to say agnosticism or atheism don't have good points in & of themselves, as science & exploring belief without committment aren't bad things! But... I hope you find what you're looking for & you figure yourself out.