I told my T a few weeks ago & she didn't understand:

The problem with life is not that I never get what I want. The problem with my life is that what I want is never what I thought it would be...

I live in a perpetual state of disappointment! I don't expect more from anyone than what I'm willing to give of myself. Why do I always wind up with the short stick? Meh.

Someone told me he'll call last night. He didn't. But, he told me he'd trust me with his life. He told me he loved me like he'd never loved any other. A phone call? Can't take the time, I guess.

Received a phone call I didn't want though. A band mate called & told me he might be moving to Kansas City for a promotion. $50/K a year he says. Nothing official yet, but if it's offered, he'll take it. What a hypocrite!!! He said "money doesn't matter, it's all about the music" and he's "here for the long run." Can't trust anyone!!!

Sometimes, I don't know why I bother. I never much liked staying in one place very long anyhow. But, I've run out of places to run to.

End of the line. I just... don't care anymore... about anyone or anything. There's no point. ***** it all!!!!

I know there's something wrong with me... why can't my f'cking T just TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IT IS?!?!?!?!?!?