For me, talking about talking about things before I actually say them helps A LOT. It helps calm my fears that T will judge me or reject me...and somehow, just talking about talking about it seems to get some momentum going and make the actual "telling" a little bit easier.

When I was 12 or 13, I told a BIG lie to a lot of people. It ate at me for years and years and years. I would just cringe and feel SO ashamed every time it would cross my mind.

When I finally told T, he was SO understanding and forgiving of that 12 year old me. He helped me see that I had no idea how to get the help I needed, or the love I needed, and that I was trying to do it in the only way I could figure out. I actually asked him to write it down, and it's the only e-mail from him I've ever printed out and saved. It was such a relief to be understood, and to be shown how I could accept myself and forgive myself.

You were a child, and you were trying to get your needs met in the only way you knew how. Your T will understand that. I think telling will relieve you of so much pressure and guilt.

I've found, over the years, that I *often* write things here before I actually tell them to T. It's totally subconscious, but I think it's almost like "practice". And once I've told in this anonymous place, and everyone hasn't run screaming for the hills, it's easier to let T in. Maybe that will be true for you, too.

You are okay. You deserve relief. Hang on to that, and know that T is there to help you, NOT to judge you.