(((Open Eyes))))

I wanted to run. And that is how I felt in that shed. But now I remember and I also remember the fear and I was caught off guard, I was very little and scared. But that is how I felt in the doctors office and that is how it came out. But now I know that. I understand it, only the doctors don't know that and that part I hate. And as hard as it was I did get through both events

Ok I have come to the conclusion that ptsd is nothing more than delayed grief. Because we were unable to process it then it is coming out now. So I guess we just have to deal with it. I get that it is important to understand what it is coming from. . . . that takes work. I mean to pull back into the recesses of our mind to find the duplicate piece of the puzzle, but I think it takes a little more than that.
After we figure out what the feeling is related to we need to grieve for it. That is the part that others dont understand. They see us upset, tired, withdrawn and think, what the hell is wrong with you, everything is fine.
But its not fine. I wish I could tell them this--Its like this: imagine the most horrifying or tragic event in your life, how did you feel? Did you cry? Did you withdraw? Were you angy, depressed? Did you lash out? Most likely hte answer would be yes. Now, how did others respond to you? They were comforting, understanding because your emotions and reactions were EXPECTED and NORMAL in repsonse to whatever event.
With ptsd, we never had the luxury of going through that process, so it is coming out NOW. So maybe we are really no different than anyone else......just a little delayed in the grief process.
After reading your post, I started thinking and realized what one of my sadnesses, fear, and terror is about. So I got out pictures, played the music and FELT it. Mourned it. In fact, I took off work next week and am going to THE PLACE to rexperience it and grieve it, to PROCESS it. To DEAL with it.
And you know what, I actually feel like I have a little more control over things and my emotions today. I actually am going to keep the plans that I made to go to lunch with my friend.