This is exactly where I'm at. For the last year I have been rapid cycling, struggling with overwhelming impulses to kill myself, feeling totally out of control, hearing voices and seeing macabre scenes that confuse me, and the only way of being sure I'm facing the right direction is to put my hope in an external source of truth. One I can be sure of. What God has said and done and promised in the Bible is where I have anchored my hope. And still it is a nauseating battle, like standing blind folded on the plank of a little pirate ship in rough seas. I'm really looking forward to making it through this dark time.