My best friend recently passed away. I promised to take care of her daughter like she was my own. She's 14 and has become a little hard to handle. I am going on Thursday to talk to her therapist (who deals with grief and body image) but wanted to get any other ideas first.

1. Her mom had her in a private school, so my husband and I decided to keep her there. She is on the honor roll so she gets to not where her uniform every other Friday. Last Wednesday she started school and she had a dress down day on Friday. She came downstairs in a very low v neck and skirt that was too short. I said hey that isn't appropriate for school, do you think you could put on a different shirt and wear some leggings under your skirt? She agreed for the moment, but little did I know she put the v neck in her backpack and brought it to school so she could change. She has a boy teacher 1st period so she got away with it but 2nd period she got sent to the office and had to change. The principal called me and when she got home I told her today is a warning, next time you do this you are not dressing down the next Friday and the third time you are grounded for the weekend. Any other ideas?

2.Her mom let her date a 16 year old, and since I don't want her to think that I am reversing everything her mom did, I am going along with it even if I don't agree with it. However, what I will not tolerate is finding her in her bra and underwear with him like I did the other day.I asked her to please not have him in her room with the door closed and that I would prefer to be home when he was there. I got home and found them in her bed and immediately set some more rules. Even though she did not seem happy about it, I talked to her about safe sex, STDs and self respect. I told her the next time I find anything like this she may not seem him for two weeks, the next time she is not only grounded from him but may not go out with her cheer squad for another two weeks and the next time she has to break up with him because this is not appropriate behavior for a 14 year old.

3. The other day I found out she had gotten her belly button pierced by a girl on her cheer squad when another mom called me about it. I went to her room and said hey that was Haley's mom can I see your belly button? She got really mad and I said "you made the choice to get your belly button pierced I need to see it and then we need to go to the doctors to get it removed." Once the doctor had removed it I told her that this kind of risky behavior is not okay. We made a deal that if she doesn't do anything else like this for 6 months she can get her ears double pierced. However, if she does I will have to discipline her.