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Aug 15, 2011, 06:01 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: TN
Posts: 13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *doodles*
Hi lost,
First off, I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation.
I think your T's suggestion seems a little black and white. I'm all for making decisions based on those kinds of lists, but not such a life impacting decision such as keeping or giving your baby up for adoption. I think that's something you really have to look inside yourself for the answer. I was in a (somewhat) similar situation a few years ago, so I know that pain you are going through. I can say that no matter which way you decide, you will probably always wonder "what if". People only tend to think of that one way(adoption), but I kept my daughter and there are still some hard days where I wonder if she would have been better off if I had given her to a "real" family.
If you truly want to keep the baby, there IS a way to do it. Don't think just because of your issues, or lack of money, you have to go the adoption route. There is SO much help out there if you reach out! You can get some financial assistance until you find a job, and therapy and parenting classes to help you work through your issues and build your confidence as a mother. You CAN absolutely do it IF thats what you truly want.
But I also think adoption is such a wonderful choice, too. If you believe deep within yourself that you cannot do this, then giving the baby a wonderful like with a great family is an honorable decision. However, the baby's father can refute it. I know if my state the father has either 30 or 60 days to dispute it and claim custody. But of course, he has to know that you are doing this. Are you still in contact? Is there any hope of you guys seeing an adoption counselor together, or even a regular counselor to try and get him to understand why you think adoption would be a good choice?
But honestly it sounds to me like you truly want to keep her, but you are just scared. I've been there. It IS scary...its scary for any new parent, but add in depression, not having support/good role models, a not so good/uninvolved father, and money/job issues, well its really scary. But you can do this!! All she truly needs is your love, the rest can be figured out.
But whatever you decide, I am sure it will be for the best for you and your child!
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Thanks so much for the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I really wanted to hear from someone that knows first hand kind of what I am going through and how they dealt with it so I appreciate your post. The "what if" is really what is getting to me. I can picture her with a nice, happy, stable family but I see me being so unhappy wishing that I had kept her and feeling like I am taking something away from her by putting her up for adoption and then I see me keeping her and being so overwhelmed and not knowing how to go on. I do think that my decision was based on a "black and white" system and I am not sure now if it is the right one. The dad is too interested in pursuing his "music career" and is not interested in being held back by me or her. I have suggested that he come to the classes with me or take some by himself but he "doesn't have time to be bothered with things like that because parenting is just common sense." There is no hope there. I guess I am on my own and it is very scary. I just don't want to make the wrong decision and potentially mess up her life. I don't want her to regret me putting her up for adoption or me not putting her up for adoption. Your encouragement is very uplifting though and I really needed to hear it. Thanks so much. 
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