madisgram said it well. I, too, give you so much credit for doing what you're doing for your friend. A 14 yo is very difficult to parent, hands down. Everything you are doing is fair and makes sense. She will most likely continue pushing the envelope, though. That's just what teens do. I think the counselor will help her, and help you. Perhaps you could see a family therapist together?

My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.