I agree with madisgram. But you are going to be challenged, and not because she is a bad girl or even wants to be a bad girl. The boyfriend thing can be partly because she may be looking for her own private sense of love or being loved and unfortunately that can only hurt her and give the guy an opportunity to use that weakness.

And yes, all teens test to see what they can get away with and what boundaries they can cross. It is all a part of figuring out who they are and unfortunately you are going to be tested. And fair warning part of the testing includes seeing if they can lie and so they experiment with that as well. Though you cannot replace her mother you CAN serve as a mentor, so try to make time to be with her and find ways where you can take her out shopping and maybe visit a museum and try to find some cultural things you can do together, growing up can be more about taking an interest in venturing out in grown up ways to explore, arts, theater, go to see a ballet or opera or other events that might be fun to attend, check out your local paper and see what is going on that you can both go and attend.

The other thing you could look into, I don't know where you live, but are there any local riding stables where you can get her involved with that? Being around horses can be a way to filling a sense of nurture that is one of the hormonal desires girls her age have.

I think the important thing to do is to make sure she doesn't feel like she is just somehow renting space in your home and not really a part of your life. Setting rules is important but she also needs to feel welcome and that you really care about her and you REALLY want her there. And it is not all about setting structure and rules but also showing real approval in her and recognition for any positive attempts she makes. Those grades are up but they could quickly slide as she tries to come to grips with the fact that her mother is really gone forever.

I also commend you on your efforts. But you are really going to have to think back on your past to anyone that ever inspired you and what that meant to you. Think about what you knew and thought when you were her age, she is not really grown up at all, just wondering what it all means.

Open Eyes