I know I haven't written anything on PC in a LONG time, but I really need someone to lean on, as the song goes. I feel really depressed and hopeless these days - living and studying in Florence, Italy, was a remarkable experience, and I really pushed myself to do the best job I possibly could. Happily, I think I had a lot of successes there. However, to come back home to a jobless existence with no likely prospects is depressing. What's also depressing is that I have learned that, for my particular work in my field, I may need to get a second Bachelor's degree. Depressing. Also, despite the fact that I am exercising a lot more than I used to, and eating much healthier, I have found that, according to the BMI scale, I am obese. That's really depressing. My doctor tells me that it's partially due to my hypoactive thyroid and the antidepressants that I take, but in a way that makes me feel worse. I mean, I'm willing to go the extra mile (no pun intended) to have a healthier lifestyle, but if it means I will still have trouble losing weight, I honestly feel like a pathetic failure. All this makes me feel like some hideous monster (despite the fact that tonight, I went on a very successful date). I feel unlovable, despite the fact that people tell me otherwise. I just feel like crying, even though I refuse to. I would feel a lot better if there was someone out there who knew what I was going through, and would just be able to provide a cyber-hug or a shoulder to (internally) cry on. I'm not suicidal, and I refuse to return to self-mutilation. But that doesn't make it any easier.