The trouble is nightmares about work. I dream and scream and talk in my sleep about work and unsettled things, made up things, accusations, being in trouble, being at risk, vulnerable. I left my job in such a way as to allow for no communication because at that point that is what I needed. I have mixed feelings like they broke the law in not giving me appropriate accomodations and that they used me up and threw me away. I can't stand the nightmares anymore. My husband tells me I have whole conversations. I dream that I forgot to check voice mail and I dream I am getting questioned. The thing is I loved my job, was dedicated and was easily manipulated. It was also easy to blame everything on me. That happened a lot in the last year.

I would never treat a soul the way I was treated. But this was such a chunk of my life. I have stuffed all of the correspondance away in a bag, I can't read it. Much of it I know is illegal but I also know that they never meant to screw me. There is a mission and that job was a very hard one.

I also called my T tonight and she was unavailable. That's normal but lead me to feeling more anxious/upset/ desperate.

So that's it in a nut shell. I am a big nut, hard to crack, Brazilion I think.