I found out my verbally and physically abusive boyfriend was cheating on me. I hate him in so many ways. I'm mostly mad at myself for allowing him to do all these awful things to me but still continue to return to him. I hate you dont leave me is the phrase used for BPD but for me...its for the abusive cycle ive been sucked in to. Ive tried calling and texting to get answers from his lies. He hasnt responded. Im obsessing about it and need to stop. I dont know how to handle this emotion...i have no one to talk to because he's a secret.