Thread: pathetic
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Old Aug 16, 2011, 07:00 PM
autumn-spirit autumn-spirit is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 59
has anyone here ever felt like there's nothing more than can be done? Like they're just not fixable, no matter how much therapy or how many different things they try? I feel like I'm just not fixable because I fail at everything and while some of you might think I'm being too dramatic or whatever, it doesn't change anything. I've been trying to change all my life, even before starting therapy, I just wasn't aware I was doing it because I was so naive and still a kid I guess in my mind. But I can't make friends or find someone who'll love me or get a job or finish school. I've failed at all those things. No one hires me, I can't keep interested or impress them, for that matter. And school is just a big joke. The one thing I've managed to do is tell my parents about my homosexuality but I figure that would've come anyway some time or other so I can't count that as a real victory. My therapist has been fighting to keep me thinking positively but every time I start to and it looks like things might start to change, I do something to mess it up or life just happens to mess it up for me. I notice a lot of people here *****ing about their therapists and at least I'm thankful that mine is really considerate and honest but I just wish I wasn't disappointing her so much! I'm so bloody pathetic! I can't drive like a normal person because I keep getting into accidents. It's like I've been made to fail..ever since I was a kid, I could never keep with everyone else. So I'm wondering if there's a moment when it's just enough..when someone can't be fixed because they're just broken to the point where nothing works anymore? But I think it's just me. Therapy would work if I wasn't so pathetic and useless that I can't do anything right. So I feel bad for my therapist because her hardest to keep this pathetic loser alive when there's just no point to it anymore. I don't even have the guts to kill myself. I'm scared that if I take a box of pills, I'll just end up vomiting. And I'm not into cutting because that just doesn't relieve my pain and it's actually pretty hard to cut deep enough to end it all so..I doubt I'll succeed anyway. I just don't know what to do..if I should ask to be hospitalized or keep walking around like a zombie, seeing other people succeed at something so simple as living a healthy life and fantasizing..
It's so pathetic.