Hey Tsol,

I just wanted to let you know that I read this, and I'm really glad you shared everything with us. I have been wondering about what happened, but I never wanted to ask, because if you wanted to share all the details with us, you would have. And you did, so I appreciate it.

I understand how you feel. I don't remember the exact date that I found out about our troubles (as I like to call them), but whenever it gets to be that time of year, I think about it (maybe because is was kind of multi-fold?). I also have been finding that Breanna's thread we've been replying to has been making me think about it a lot lately, rehashing some things. I can feel the turmoil inside my head. But at the same time, I AM getting better at handling this, because I am not reacting the same way I reacted last year, or the year before. I have actually come to the point where I can think about things rationally, without getting upset. Understanding what happened without getting defensive, without thinking negatively about myself.

I know it's probably disheartening to see that I still think about what happened 3 years later, but I am handling it so much better. And I realize that the reason I'm still having problems with it is because some part of me enjoys feeling the pain; it's almost like having a sense of control. I have to work harder to let it go, not only for my own peace of mind, but because bringing it up, allowing myself to be hurt by it, hurts my fiance even more, especially since he already (still) feels horrible about what happened.

I also realize that what happened between me and my fiance is MUCH different than what happened with your boyfriend (if you're interested, I don't mind sharing, but I don't want to thread jack). I guess what I was trying to say in Breanna's thread is that no one is perfect, before or after the cheating. And once every one realizes that, it's easier to move forward. Just like I'm not trying to minimize what Breanna did, I'm not trying to minimize what your boyfriend did. It's definitely hurtful, definitely going to leave an impression, definitely going to take time and patience to move on. But I think you have a really good handle on things, and just try to remember that you are worthy, you are loved, and you are a good, wonderful person. I'm so glad that you have come to these forums. I have learned a lot from you. You have handled this so much better than I did; you are so strong.

Sorry this got so long. Remember to take care of yourself, come and vent as much as you need to, and be kind to yourself.