Quote:
Originally Posted by FooZe
If you don't mind my asking... is that how you'd describe it while you're actually in that place? How you'd describe it only afterwards when you're in a different state of mind? How someone else might describe what you do (and you're trying to learn to see it their way)?
Does whatever you're trying to destroy (as you put it) look good and positive to you at the time, or only later when you look back on it? However it looks, do you find yourself thinking "That's in my way and needs to be destroyed," or more like, "I'd better fix that... oops, that wasn't how I planned it!"...?
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FooZe I don't mind you asking at all. Wow what thought provoking questions! I actually had to sit back and think about some of my experiences and mindsets to answer this. No one has ever thought to ask, not even myself. I appreciate it!
I would actually describe it when I am in a different more calm state of mind. However, the tricky part of it is that I am fully aware that I am destroying things and relationships while in that place, I cannot stop it the power within it is too strong for me to control. I have had people describe what I do as throwing good things away such as relationships, jobs, my apartment. They talk to me as if I am smarter than that and should know better. Even if I do know better I am just so out of control I cannot stop me from putting everything into ruin. The things I destroy or throw away always look horrible to me at the time. I seem to get into the state of mind that it isn't what I want or good for me. When I come out of that state and in a clear mind I realize the damage I have done and immediately go into damage control mode.
I try to regain the things I have hurt lost or damaged, not always successfully .