Oddly it makes sense to me.
You want to be loved. You are angry at him. You are attached to him.

Please let your cooler head prevail.
It is GOOD for this relationship to be over.

Like a badly rotten tooth that's been hurting you and making you ill, it needed to be yanked out, and yes it is going to hurt, you are going to hurt.

If you know some calming breathing techniques that may be good to do.
Try to purposefully distract yourself, whatever you think has a best chances of working.

In a way it's good that he couldn't keep his pants zipped, because from the sound of it, you would have stuck by him despire the abuse. And the abuse would have gotten just worse. It doesn't get better. With long years of therapy, maybe. You don't need this. Being with him would have done NOTHING good for you, nothing for helping you manage your own challenges.

You probably know all this quite well, I don't mean to imply you don't know, but sometime hearing someone else say it (or write) may make it easier to believe.

Yes, breaking up hurts. I have broken up so many times, and gone right back in, because it felt so awful. But I wasn't abused, I wasn't being harmed. Please keep yourself away from him.
The emotions will pass.
Hang in there.