My Name is SkyHiigh, Newbie to this site. ineed help and support dealing with Social Anxiety. IDont wanna have to live with this for the rest of my life, its stoping me from having my normal Teenage life, iWant friends.!
My Mom Dosent understand how hard it is for me to talk to people. She tells me Just Forget about it.!! Its Not that easy, cause thats all im thinking about everyday. Wondering if people are talking bad about me and how ipresent myself. She dosen't understand that all these thought are bad habits that icant get rid of. everymoring iwake and ask myself "how am igonna act today to avoid looking stupid.?"

Its hard for me talk to people because it feels like im 2 people ((Iknow That sounds crazy)) One Person thats making conversation and one person thats watching how im acting. ICall this my DarkLittleVoice. My DarkLittleVoice is always with me 24/7 and never shuts upp espeacially when itry to talk to people Shes always saying alot of "What if.?" She can keep me up all night just thinking about how everybody imet, made eyecontact with, or talked to is judging me.

iReally let the anxiety get to me when ido talk to people, (its kinda hard for me explain what im thinking when people talk to me so sorry if it kinda dosent make since.) once someone starts talking to me, iget an edgey feeling and istart too look like im not interseted in the conversation because darklittlevoice is telling me how to not act to so iwont do anything embrassing, and when itry to talk to them my mind goes blank cause im thinking that their judging me and they think im awkard cause im not saying anything back. And when something does finally comeout of my mouth icant stop talking, My Stuttering get worst, and italk really fast. it feels like ihave to explain everythinkg, istart to move my legs, sweating, shaking. iwont look them in the eyes, iavoid eyecontact as much as possiable, Espeacially with Authoriy. Then After the converasation ends my darklittevoice starts telling me, "that was soo bad, there never gonna talk to you again, know they really think your weird and awkard.!!! and my mind wont stop thinking about all the bad comments that ithink they're thinking.

iusally think about "What if they think im stupid, and fake,!" Like riight now iwas reading over my post and istarted getting my thoughts like what if these people are thinking im faking and im just another person that wants attention. Attention is the last thing on my mind.!! ijust really want help, im tried of my brain always thinking negetive and what people think of me. iwant a normal social life. right now ionly have 1friend and thats my ex boyfriend, and istill have a hard time talking to him. Schools gonna start in a week,!! iwant to be able to have a normal conversation and not let those little silent moments get to me. idont wanna avoid people for the rest of my life.

icant even talk to my sister cause for some odd reason shes the ones person opinion ireally do care about, ((Even though isay idont)) because for my whole childhood her and my cousin would talk veery badly behind my back, even though we were all really cloose,(( like iwould go to her house she would come to my house every weekend, me and my cousin we're in the same class at school,)) anything iwould do they would talk bad about it. iwould try to self express myself there they go off into a little corner all by themself talking Shyt. No matter how hard itry to win them over, they wouldn't accept me. We are all still really close and do hangout and they did stop talking bad about me eventually ((So they say)) and apologized for everything that they said, but istill dont believe that they stoped. Cause everytime igo into a room that they are in alone, they look at me like why are you here.!!

...My Brains is tired, and just want to go to sleep, Not Caring what people think.