sadsackgirl, I thank you for sharing your story. Reading it made me feel like I was reading my own life! I am trying to find the free services in my area so I can get some help at least with my anxiety attacks I have been having they seem to just be paralyzing me. I too don't want to face the world as I feel I don't have much to offer any more. I do sometimes feel better getting on this site at least I know I am not alone with these sad feelings. I try to think positive and tell myself things will be better. Sorry I don't have any good ideas for you to try. Maybe it will be a bit better just knowing someone out here has been through similar circumstances.