I know what you mean, to live a normal life and function normal, it's my dream too. When you hear that voice that tells you to throw up and dont eat this, that is a time to pray, sit back, do something else, call a doctor that does call back, come and post here, read material about your disorder, join a support group. Make a list of all ths things that you could do to make yourself feel better and keep the list with you always. Do you still feel as scared as you did when you wrote that? Update us on how you are doing. We care deeply about you.