Wow, thank you for sharing. I have to admit, it was hard for me to read, being on the other side and all. I think you've done an amazing job at coming as far as you've come.

Anniversaries are a big deal. I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of my mom's death. The hospice center here sent me a little thing on dealing with the one year anniversary. I don't know if any of this will help you, but I imagine the pain you feel isn't all that different from the grief over someone's death, so maybe some of this will apply to you. It says:

Guess I better cite it: Grief's Journey, Issue Eleven. Hospice and Palliative Care of Western Colorado.

Just replace "death" with cheating and I think there may be some good advice in there. Some of it may not apply to you, like #3, but I red-texted the stuff I found particularly helpful.

From your posts, I can tell you've put a ton of grueling work into working through your pain. I commend you for that. It takes a lot of strength.

Lastly, I think you should tell your bf what's bothering you - but you already knew that.

Good luck!