Hello SkyHiigh

I am sorry that you are struggling so much with anxiety. I can relate a lot with your thought pattern.

Anxiety is a slippery hill. One negative thought leads to another, and another, and so on. I started avoiding people, working, going to grocery stores, etc. due to me having panic attacks while I was at these places. I hated it with a passion! And I hated myself for being so weak ~ I constantly put myself down for being ___(you name it!). Another part of myself would tell me to stop. Like a big argument going on inside of my head.

It did take a few years, but I eventually gained the upper hand in fighting my panic disorder. I forced myself to face my fears and go to the store, school, etc. Exercising helped me distract myself from the constant negatives. Going for long & fast walks, exercising, also helped get out my excess of energy.

Fighting anxiety isn't an overnight thing. It does take time and repetition. But you will see that as you make yourself do (whatever), regardless of your anxiety, and you made it through the anxiety will begin to ease.

You aren't crazy. You aren't doomed to live a life of misery. Things will get better. When that negative part of your mind tries to control you, remind yourself that things will get better. You are okay. Just say that over and over to yourself while the negative part is trying hard to control you. Things will get better. It takes time ~ but you are okay.

p.s. You may want to post your last paragraph in the relationships forum. That appears to be a separate issue (to me) and changing my train of thought is very difficult.

Gentle hugs sent your way ~ hope this helps you feel a little better!