hey there thanks so much for your replies...yeah, it is hard that these days i seem to be feeling fine a lot more and then it's back again...sometimes i spend so much time thinking about how NOT awful i feel that i threaten to make myself feel awful again. i know i didn't get like this overnight so it won't go away overnight but i just wish it would! and you know in some ways the thought of living without depression, although extremely appealing is somewhat scary, as i've gotten so used to feeling bad that i'm not too sure how normal emotions take their course. it hasn't quite clicked with me that you can have a bad day just like everyone else and that's all it is - just one bad day. i am feeling better today btw and yesterday wasn't too bad either