Man. Sorry to hear about all this. Made me feel grateful for how lovingly my wife accepted my telling her about my past abuse (at the hands of my parents and others). Not only was she supportive and comforting, she actually got ANGRY at my parents for doing that to us 2 kids. It was kinda nice seeing her "defend me" - albeit all these years later - and say that stuff wasn't my fault.

That being said, I'm 4 years into therapy. (just me) and we've been married 25 years! Gives new meaning to "better late than never" I guess... In any event it's out there. And was not only a good experience for us, but it has brought us closer together than at any time during these past 25 years...

Sounds like hubby might need to examin why he's "withdrawing" with this new information. Maybe it's because you've reminded him of some of his stuuf from the past - or maybe he's just figuring out the best way to respond so he doesn't hurt you. Or maybe he's doing what alot of "us men" do...."if I ignore this for long enough, maybe it'll go away..." "What's for dinner." MEN!!

I know as a man I hated to tell my wife about all the sexual abuse (by "those people"). And I hated to admit to her about being a past victum of domestic violence. NO man that I know of wants to admit to that. Makes us (me) feel weak and "at fault" somehow. ("Why didn't you stand up for yourself and stop it??") But by sharing not only the incidents but also my fears of telling her...well it was life changing for us!

Maybe ask the husband what's with the distance. Maybe he'll know - maybe he won't. Maybe to 2 of you - together - can figure it out...